Can we
Hug at Work?

To Touch or Not to Touch... That's the Question 

This is a question that we have struggled with for many years. It leads us to many other questions too. 
  • How much touch is too much? 
  • What if it's unwanted or makes someone feel uncomfortable? 
  • What if a person is just a "touchy-feely" person and likes to hug everyone?
  • Are the rules different for men and women?
This issue is complicated and leads many employers to tread a fine line between wanting a friendly and warm culture, and having a workplace that's professional, respectful, and free of sexual harassment and unwanted physical contact.

We don't have time to unpack all of these issues, but a recent article published by The Atlantic did a nice job of pointing out one of the reasons we may have too much unwanted touching at work: People have a physiological/emotional need for human touch. This may be manifesting itself on an unconscious level as people seek to have their 'hug tank' filled at the place they spend most of their waking hours... at work.

The problem is that all people don't have the same need or desire to be touched at work. Some may deal with emotional or relational issues stemming from past trauma or other conditions that make physical touch uncomfortable or even stressful. It's not okay to fill your "hug" tank if you're actually triggering the release of stress hormones in others. If you're a leader or hold authority in your organization, it's even more important that you don't minimize the issue and request hugs or other physical contact. This creates additional pressure on the part of the huggee not to resist. 

Some have said that one should ask for permission before initiating a hug. While that's certainly better than just assuming it's okay, if there's a power-dynamic involved it doesn't do enough. For instance, if you are an executive or even important client for someone, asking for permission to hug creates pressure to comply.

If you're one who enjoys a good co-worker hug, a good rule of thumb is to err on the side of caution and allow others to initiate. If they know you like hugs and they're comfortable giving them, they'll reach out to you. It's better to be safe than sorry.