Leader... Are You a Cowboy? Stop It!

In today's highly aware culture of #metoo and sensitivity regarding sexual harassment, it's a good idea to think about how much touch is too much.

He could feel the heat rise in his cheeks as a small bead of sweat rolled off his forehead and down to the tip of his nose. With a flick of his index finger, the drop of sweat was quickly removed. “Could you, uh, repeat the question?” Bill Thomas asked as he looked over at the judge and then back to the opposing attorney. “Please explain what your firm has done to prevent the events which Miss Johnson claims have occurred?” replied EEOC lead attorney, Mark Jackson. Bill’s mind raced. He thought about the claims of sexual harassment Sherry Johnson had leveled against a member of his management team. While he didn’t doubt her claims, he truly couldn’t believe that the behavior had continued for three months even after she reported it to her boss. “I, uh, I mean we as a company would never condone this behavior,” Bill stated as authoritatively as he could. “We have a policy against it! It’s in our employee handbook, I believe. Isn’t that right, Janet?” Janet Baker, Bill’s HR Director, squirmed in her seat, unsure if she was supposed to--or even allowed to--respond. “Thank you, Mr. Thomas,” came Jackson’s reply, essentially ending Bill’s fumbling for an answer. “Just so I’m clear… Are you saying that your effort to protect your employees from discrimination and harassment in your workplace was the possible insertion of a policy statement in your handbook?” “Well, uh, yes, I mean, no. I mean, everyone knows that the company frowns on this stuff!” Bill stammered with a rising note of defensiveness. “So, let’s say the policy is in your handbook,” Mark interrupted. “When was your handbook last updated? When was the last time the policy itself was communicated to employees? What…” “Objection!” interjected Bill’s attorney. “How many questions will counsel ask before allowing my client to answer?” “Sustained. Mr. Jackson, please allow the witness to answer one question at a time,” directed the judge. “Mr. Thomas, you may answer the questions if you can remember them.” “Uh, well, to be honest, I’m not entirely sure when our handbook was last updated,” began Bill. “And as I far as I know, employees are asked to read and agree to the workplace conduct policy on their first day.” “So, the accused harasser read and agreed to comply with the workplace conduct policy on his first day?” asked Mark Jackson, one of the EEOC’s winningest attorneys. “Absolutely,” replied Bill confidently. “Janet makes sure of it.” “Okay,” said Jackson. “When was he hired?” “Excuse me?” asked Bill. “The date, Mr. Thomas. When was the accused hired?” repeated Jackson with a hint of irritation in his voice. “I have no idea!” Bill said, almost shouting now. “He’s been here longer than I have! Probably twenty years or more! What does that have to do…” ​Jackson​ ​interrupted​ ​him. ​​“I think we’ve heard enough, your honor. This witness, the CEO of a successful manufacturing company, has done virtually nothing to protect employees from discrimination and harassment in his workplace. He essentially trusts employees to remember a piece of paper they read and signed during their first day on the job.” Bill’s heart sank. He glared across the room at his HR Director, who decided at that moment that she needed to check her phone for some important information. He looked to the left and made eye contact with company attorney and CFO Harry James. Harry shook his head ever so slightly, and with eyes slightly widened, mouthed the words… “We’re in trouble.” ----------------------------------------------------- If reading the above account made you as uncomfortable as it did me while I wrote it, then it did its job. Unfortunately, while the story above is fiction, stories like it play out in real life all too often. Having employees is a risky proposition, but we often don’t invest much in mitigation strategies for that risk. We buy insurance in case our buildings burn down. We invest in security systems to prevent the loss of valuable equipment or information. We even pay IT experts to prevent data breeches which could ruin our business. The EEOC has been very clear about what they consider to be responsible corporate behavior for the prevention of discrimination, harassment, and retaliation: Effective training, clear policies, solid reporting procedures, and responsiveness when incidents occur. It’s even spelled out what is viewed as effective training. I’ve seen those expectations, and the watching of an awkward, outdated, sexual harassment video from the seventies is not it. In fact, the EEOC has essentially sent the message that if you “check the box” with a policy statement and some weak online training, you won’t receive any real credit for preventing bad practices in your workplace. We encourage clients to see this is simple risk management . It can help protect you financially, but best of all, it helps you ensure a safe, respectful, and fair environment for employees. We offer a program called “Workplace of Respect™” that meets the EEOC’s standards of effective training. Leveraging adult learning theory and brain science, it uses a common-sense approach by appealing to the participant to treat others with decency and honor. While providing the basic legal information, it’s intended to change hearts and minds as people start to see others as valuable and deserving of respect. Since leaders at all levels have a special responsibility to act as agents of the organization, the program has a leader supplement. This supplemental material pulls no punches as it lays out expectations for supervisors, managers, and senior leaders. For more information about this program, click here .

Leading others is about stewardship. It takes sacrifice, commitment, humility, and a willingness to put your own needs behind the needs of those in your charge.

A few years ago something shocking happened to me. Call it a wake up call. I was informed that my services were no longer required at my senior executive job. Then I was told that my marriage of more than 20 years was "disappointing." Then it became clear that my role as a parent had been largely ignored. In short, I found out that being a leader and actually leading were two very different things. For decades I boasted about my "leadership skills." Those words had a permanent home on my resume since college graduation. Boy was I wrong. I think what I meant was that I had charisma, strong persuasive communication abilities, and a fair amount of natural smarts... not to mention a drive to be in authority. The truth is that leadership comes down to daily behaviors. Leaders lead when they do the things that people need them to do. Often, these are not glamorous things. They are the things that ensure people have what they need to do their jobs well. They need to happen at every level of the organization. Here are some of them: Give clear directions and expectations Fix problems when they pop up Resolve conflicts when they occur Get resources when they are lacking Coach people when they need it Ask for help when you don't know something Provide opportunities for people to grow Give credit to others liberally Lead by example Delegate stuff when possible Manage change when it comes Treat people with respect Be consistent with your praise Hire great people when you get the chance In short, leadership without action is not leadership at all. It's the occupation of a crucial position while failing to deliver on the expectations of that position. Is it time for a serious look in the mirror? Is it time to take an honest look at where we spend our time and resources? Is it time to ask those that depend on our leadership to give it to us straight? Are you ready to honestly look at your natural tendencies, habits, and priorities as a leader? While painful, this can be liberating. When we first put down our masks, and admit our own limitations, we experience a transparency and vulnerability that will actually attract others. For me, the vehicle for this was a leadership model that described eight dimensions of an effective leader. It showed me that I was ignoring many of the requirements of leadership. That model was the foundation of a Wiley Everything DiSC assessment called Work of Leaders. It was through that assessment that I realized I was actually a really lousy leader, and that leading well takes discipline and intentional effort. I was so inspired by this, that I became and Authorized Partner for Everything DiSC in order to bring this experience to others. True leadership often starts with the self-awareness that comes from taking a hard look in the mirror...

It's Okay to NOT Finish that Book Have you ever picked up a book about leadership, selling, or some other interesting topic by an "expert" on the subject? Have you ever read the first chapter and felt like the main point of the book was fully explained and you have what you need to implement it into your life... only to realize that you have three hundred pages left? I don't know about you, but my bookshelf is full of business books with a bookmark at the 20% point. In the back of my mind, I feel a little guilty for not finishing those books. Sometimes, I'll even pick one up and force myself to read (or at least skim) the rest so I can remove the bookmark and move on to the next book. Formal Training: Cramming One Hour of Content to Just One Day Formal training has become a lot like that. We try to justify getting people together for training by loading it up with unnecessary fluff. We think that if this is an important topic, it's worth investing four hours, or three days, or whatever. It doesn’t have to be that way. In fact, brain science shows that we only absorb a small percentage of the training we receive. Let’s keep things simple. Let’s focus on important skills or concepts, but let’s do it bite size pieces. Let’s attack an important concept, and get it into our hearts, our heads, and then quickly into our hands to make it part of our daily lives. Our approach does just that. We all have a lot to do. Personal growth and development doesn’t need to be complicated or overly time consuming. So let’s learn. Let’s grow. Let’s apply practical skills to our daily work and personal lives. Let’s make training real.

There's a lot of talk about humility these days. It's hard to dispute that it's an attractive trait for leaders and non-leaders alike. We can all relate to the respect we feel for people that exude humility even while achieving great success. Often described as "down to earth," these remarkable people tend to be approachable, kind, and truly thankful for all those that contributed to their success. I was raised to value and strive for humility. My faith teaches that I am to be humble, largely because when I admit who I really am, I have nothing to boast about. I am in need of mercy and forgiveness every day, and because of that, I should be nothing but humble. So why is it so hard? Today's leadership theorists tell us that effective leaders must be humble. They explain that humble leaders are more trusted, respected, easier to follow, and ultimately successful. So that leaves us with a choice. We either reject the notion as a wishy-washy philosophy propagated by namby-pamby sensitive types, or we figure out how to "do humble." We either reject the notion as a philosophy propagated by namby-pamby sensitive types...or we figure out how to " do humble. " Can a Tiger Change Its Stripes? As a student of personality theory, this topic fascinates me. We've all heard that a "tiger can't change its stripes." If that's true, then we're wired a certain way with little ability to truly change. We are either programmed to be humble or we are not. So if we are endowed with a personality type that is not naturally predisposed to humility, is there any hope for us? I think the answer is 'yes.' I believe in four types of humility. Natural Humility - Natural humility is reserved for those that have been been blessed with a personality type that naturally tends toward priorities like support, listening, care for others, calm, quiet, respect, and introspection. To these people I say, congratulations. While you may have other challenges when leading others, you've got the humility thing nailed. Humbled Humility - Humbled humility is a close relative to natural humility. As the name implies, it's a humility born from a major humbling event. Getting fired from a job. Having a spouse file for divorce. Making a costly mistake that rocks your world. These events can truly change a person's perspective and result in a true change at the heart level. Contrived Humility - Contrived humility is the fake humility perpetrated by the one that reads a leadership study or attends a conference and pretends to be humble in order to get results. This disingenuous strategy is usually short-lived and obvious to all, causing even more damage than an unapologetic arrogance. Intentional Humility - The last type of humility is the one I find to be preferred for all of us without the natural propensity to be humble. Intentional humility requires that we acknowledge our tendency to be self-centered, arrogant, and impatient. It's owning who we are, and putting specific strategies in place to behave more humbly. This may mean publicly admitting weaknesses, and asking others for support as you work to improve. For some, it may be scheduling time to get to know someone personally. It may be setting aside time each week to contact and thank someone that helped along the way. For others, it may be contemplating personal forgiveness afresh. Whatever the strategy you deploy, if it's authentic, people will respect your efforts to grow. So Which Type of Humble are You? Go ahead. Give it some thought. If you're naturally humble, be thankful and focus on behaviors and leadership traits that may not come as naturally to you. If you've been humbled by a painful event, embrace it and remember it. Speak of it to others and feel the freedom that comes from being vulnerable. If you are faking humility to manipulate others, just stop it. Seriously, we'd rather deal with your hubris than your falsity. Lastly, if you truly desire to become a more humble person in spite of your natural tendencies, own the challenge. Admit the struggle to the people in your life, ask for support, and deploy intentional strategies.

Humans are wired to embrace things that are pleasant and to resist things that are not. While happiness itself is wildly complex, one thing is certain: Having a bad job is bad.